Before knowing Christ I had a lot of pain in my life. When I was younger my family and I went to a Messianic Jewish Synagogue and we loved it. This is the first time I was introduced to Christ. I believed in Him and trusted Him until my daddy died. I remember my mom telling me that he went to be with God/Jesus. My faith began to falter.
Four months later my mom was diagnosed with Leukemia causing my faith in God to be non existent. Surely there could not be a God that would cause so much pain. Not only did I turn my back on God, but I began to pull away from my family as well. I feared losing my mom too. I was not able to be around my mom much while she was doing chemo and radiation, so I started hiding under a table just to be able to see her behind glass doors. I have never felt more alone in my life.
Years later, my mom remarried. Jacob and I wanted to be adopted so we could have a complete family again. I still felt alone, even though I knew I was loved; my mind kept telling me that I wasn’t. I sank in a deep depression and it only got worse over the next few years. I became a recluse, angry, bitter, and I was given the nickname Wednesday Addams by my family. I became someone I did not know any longer. After pushing my family and friends away I felt like everyone was talking about me and hated me causing my depression to worsen making me to feel suicidal.
I found Christ again when I went to Journey Camp. The first day there, as I was listening to the sermon, I felt a hard pull on my heart. I knew it was God, and I knew I needed him in my life to save me. I fell to my knees, cried, and begged God to come into my life. I could no longer walk this walk alone.
When I returned to my seat so many people came to me telling me congratulations, and how proud they were of me. With each person that showed me love and support I knew that I was never hated, but I was the one to push people away.
My family and I have become so much closer and my walls have crumbled just as I did the night I let Jesus into my heart. Jacob and I have always been so close but I feel so much closer to him now than I ever did. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for praying for me and loving me.
I wanted to be baptized at Journey Camp and at church. Friday morning before we left to come home Hunter baptized me and I have never felt closer to God and my daddy as I do now.
Going forward I want to share the word of God with those that do not know Him, and those that have been in the dark places in life; because without God and everyone’s love and support I would not be here today.