My life prior to salvation was spent trying to be a good person but it was also an existence that still left a void in me. I was having a hard time understanding why could things seem to go against me when I was trying to be the best person I could be. I thought I knew God and couldn’t understand why I felt empty and why my actions and good deeds were not able to fill the void in me.
My frustrations culminated in me questioning God on these feelings. I soon was overcome with a feeling of remorse, God was speaking to my heart that was now softened and the feelings of guilt that a believer should have were humbling.
Here I was asking God why He had failed me when it was me who was failing God. I was truly humbled by the experience and was grateful for the spiritual awakening, although I had been taught by my Grandmother the importance of Christ as Savior, through time I had lost sight of that fact.
I had become my own worst enemy. Instead of following God’s plan I was writing my own. I felt compelled to ask God for forgiveness from the life of total sin and surrendered my human will to God’s will by accepting Jesus as my Savior and forsaking all others. The ultimate realization that God’s grace saved me through faith alone and that no good deed or act could bring salvation because it is a gift from God that came from possessing Jesus.
From that day forward I’ve tried to live without questioning God, only asking for guidance and accepting the outcome as God’s will. This acceptance brought a new line of consciousness, now I see the world differently, I no longer feel a void, for now I live for the purpose of something greater. I try to lead my life thinking of others before myself and work on my many faults with any success or glory given to God.
The resurrection of Christ brings the assurance of resurrection to me as well as all who belong to Christ. The journey I am on is long and arduous, but with great humility and with the knowledge of Jesus in my heart I will never take a step alone again.